


My Body is a Cage

by Leloi



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alpha Sherlock, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Omega John, POV John Watson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-07-22 06:23:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7423534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leloi/pseuds/Leloi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What can you tell me about your alpha?”  Sherlock asked from his seat across from me.</p><p>“He’s not my alpha.”  I replied, rolling my eyes.  A cheekiness overcame me.  “And you have to be specific because I’ve been with alphas every month since I presented as an omega!”</p><p>It was Sherlock’s turn to roll his eyes.  Deflating, he slouched in his chair.  “You know what I’m talking about… The one you almost bonded with.  Your Military Alpha.”</p><p>I bit my lips and stared up at the ceiling, disturbed that he could speak so casually of my pain.  “What do you want to know?”</p><p>“His name, for one.  Also what your connection is to him… Why he feels entitled to return to your life after abandoning you.  Why is he making threats against me, John?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Body is a Cage

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for: Miscarriage, Infertility, Implied Rape/Non-Con and Torture.
> 
> It's a little dark. I'm sorry about that.
> 
> Title comes from a song by Arcade Fire called "My Body is a Cage." It was covered beautifully by Peter Gabriel. I highly recommend listening to the Peter Gabriel cover.

“What can you tell me about your alpha?” Sherlock asked from his seat across from me.

“He’s not my alpha.” I replied, rolling my eyes. A cheekiness overcame me. “And you have to be specific because I’ve been with alphas every month since I presented as an omega!”

It was Sherlock’s turn to roll his eyes. Deflating, he slouched in his chair. “You know what I’m talking about… The one you almost bonded with. Your Military Alpha.”

I bit my lips and stared up at the ceiling, disturbed that he could speak so casually of my pain. “What do you want to know?”

“His name, for one. Also what your connection is to him… Why he feels entitled to return to your life after abandoning you. Why is he making threats against me, John?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know why he’s back. But I met him seven years ago.”

^.~

I had been 25 when I finished my second year in medical school. I went off to war. With the massive casualties in field doctors they were looking for poor, desperate doctors and surgeons who needed hands on training, no questions asked. It would provide the valuable experience I needed and pay off some of my bills. I took the chance that I may never come home and was shipped off to Afghanistan where omegas like me weren’t even allowed out of the houses without their alpha’s presence. I was to spend most of my time in a MASH unit mostly staffed by Americans.

Something the military provided was a selection of alphas for incoming omega officers. There was a party where they played matchmaker between omega and alpha. Military Alpha they were called. I met the man who would become my Military Alpha by the bar.

He was only five years older than me and he was already a lieutenant colonel. I was but a lowly captain. He was handsome. His hair was flaxen blonde and his eyes a deep brown. His body was lean and powerful. His scent was of sage and gun powder. “Hello.” My introduction was less than eloquent.

“Good evening.” Was his reply. And he grinned at me.

His name was Sebastian Moran. When I was on my hands and knees with his knot wedged within me I called him Seb.

The man could fuck unlike any alpha I had ever been with. His powerful body overwhelmed me completely, reducing me to a mewling mess.

Seb never spoke while he serviced me. Only after when we both lay exhausted would he cuddle with me and whisper promises of domestic life. We would have a cottage by the sea and pups playing about our feet. We weren’t allowed to bond while deployed. We would have to wait until we returned. With bonding would come pups.

We were together for five years. And then I was shot. My life as an omega ended.

^.~

“Your life didn’t end!” Sherlock protested abruptly.

“I don’t know what else to call it.” I replied, coolly. “One moment I was an omega in the prime of my life and the next a bullet put my system in shock. I was no longer fertile. And my shattered scapula meant my years of medical training were useless as a field surgeon. My life was over.”

“One may argue that was when your life truly began.” Stubbornly Sherlock crossed his arms over his chest, glaring at me, and pouting as if anything in my story was open to debate. Really, he’s unlike any alpha I have ever known. 

“You asked me about Colonel Moran.” I pointed out.

“You said he was a lieutenant colonel.” 

“He was promoted shortly before I was discharged. His promotion came when I was in hospital.”

Sherlock sighed wearily and rubbed his face with his hands. “Do you know why he is suddenly looking for you? You said he promised you a cottage and pups.”

“When I woke up in the hospital I found out my body had gone into shock. They told me Sebastian wanted nothing to do with me. I was not longer an omega so there was no point in even visiting. I heard from some friends that he immediately became Military Alpha to another omega. I was sent home.” I bit my lips and tried not to give in to the urge to cry. Sherlock couldn’t understand my heartbreak. As far as I knew he’d never been in a relationship with an omega. He probably never would be.

I got up and went to the kitchen to prepare a cup of tea. I didn’t like dwelling on memories of Sebastian. My encounters with alpha before him had been mostly carefree. In medical school alpha classmates took turns servicing me. They weren’t fantastic, but we were friends. I could trust them not to force a bond on me. When they were busy I used professional alpha services. Sebastian was the only one to get my hopes up about a future. With him I could imagine settling down and allowing an alpha to finally claim me. Why would he want to return to my life after leaving me when I needed him most?

When I woke up in the hospital I had been disoriented. I couldn’t smell anyone anymore. The doctor told me it was my body shutting down. I was like a beta. I knew being an omega was only temporary. All go through the change and become more like beta. I just wasn’t expecting it to happen when I was so young. I was only 30. My mother hadn’t yet gone through her change and she was nearly 60. I thought I had more time. But even omega who experienced the change of life could still smell alpha. I couldn’t smell anything.

I couldn’t smell Sherlock’s approach. I had no idea what Sherlock smelled like as an alpha. I felt his presence behind me and I continued to prepare the tea without acknowledging him. I prepared two cups, one the way he liked it. “John?”

I turned around to face him, leaning back against the counter. Sherlock was so close, crowding me up against the counter. I missed feeling the solid presence of another person. I was ashamed to feel the soft ache of longing his closeness gave me. I wanted to hold him, be one with him as I had been one with so many others. But he was alpha and I’m no longer omega. Besides… When he first met he told me he wasn’t interested in being with anyone. I sighed and looked away to pretend like his proximity didn’t make me yearn to touch him.

“John… Do you know anything about the omega that replaced you?”

“Why would I know anything about them?” I demanded, looking him in the eyes for the first time. His eyes always seemed to pierce into my soul.

“I’m sorry.” Sherlock breathed and stepped back to give me more room, as if he was suddenly aware that he had been too close. “I’m trying to understand what would have changed.”

“Nothing changed!” I growled. “He left and now he’s back. Maybe he saw my blog. Maybe he was finally curious about what happened to me… Like how people you went to secondary and uni with look you up on social media… And he found out I work with you. It probably has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you being famous. He wants money or fifteen minutes of fame.”

“His message said, ‘I know you have what is mine. I’ll be coming for him. Do not think to challenge me, you won’t survive.’”

“I know what his message said!” I replied and slid away, back to the living room. 

“You don’t belong to him.” Sherlock stated from the kitchen.

I looked back at him. “What?”

“He said he was coming for you and he expressed ownership of you. You are not his.”

I blinked a few times, trying to understand Sherlock’s expression. There was worry and fear playing across his normally stoic face. “I know.”

“Do you?” In a moment he was back in my space, herding me to sit in my chair. Kneeling before me, he stared at me as if searching for something. “You loved him.”

“I thought we were going to bond. Of course I loved him. Or maybe I just like the idea of being bonded.”

“He probably wouldn’t let you continue to be a doctor if you had bonded.”

“I didn’t care. Biology is really powerful. Every month for five years he promised me the world. And I wanted it. And then it was gone.” I bit my lip and looked down at my lap.

“He didn’t love you.”

“Sherlock… Don’t analyze this.” I sighed, annoyed that something I usually enjoyed hearing was being twisted onto my situation.

“If he loved you he wouldn’t have left when you needed him the most. He would have stayed by your side to show you that you were more than just a damp hole…”

I slapped his face. The degrading slur for omega burned more than my hand.

Sherlock’s eyes flickered in pain and he looked down at my lap as my handprint bloomed on his pale cheek.

“Don’t ever call me a damp hole.” I whispered, sickened by what he had said and how I reacted.

“He didn’t love you, John. If he did… He never would have let you go.” Sherlock stood and returned to his chair to sit down heavily.

“What am I going to do?” I asked.

Sherlock didn’t answer me for some time. His hand lightly rubbed the mark I had left on his face. Finally with a refreshing sigh he stood back up again and headed into the kitchen. “I’m going to have to challenge him.”

“You can’t!” I responded. “Only a bonded alpha can answer a challenge.” Was Sherlock really clueless about social rules? Surely he knew that only an omega’s bonded alpha could challenge another alpha’s claim.

Sherlock stopped in his tracks and stared back at me in surprise. “Is there a problem?”

“We aren’t bonded.” I answered.

Blinking a few times, he seemed confused. “We aren’t?”

I couldn’t help myself, I burst out laughing. The absurdity of the situation… Two alphas fighting over an infertile omega. As Sherlock made a hasty retreat towards his bedroom I couldn’t resist calling after him. “Bonding requires biting during sex.” The door slammed shut and I lay helplessly giggling on my chair, staring up at the ceiling. 

^.~

When I returned home after being discharged I had no place to go. There was a house for unbonded omega who had served in the military. The place was depressing for me. It was a reminder of everything I had lost with the loss of my fertility. I was no longer a desirable omega in the prime of his life. I was like a newly made beta without the life experience that came with that. I didn’t know where to go. The military was gone… And so was my career. For days I mourned the loss of my life, unable to get out of my lonely bed. I was tempted to end it all.

On days I left the omega house I wandered aimlessly. It was during one of those wanderings that I ran into Mike Stamford. Mike was an alpha. During medical school he sometimes serviced me. “John!” He called to me with enthusiasm that seemed misplaced. 

“Hello, Mike.”

“What happened? I thought you were in the army.”

“I was… I got shot.”

“Oh!” Mike looked at me with pity. “Are you alright? Aside from the being shot part.”

I shook my head. “The shock to my system made me infertile. I won’t be having any more heats.”

“That’s… That’s horrible.” Mike had always been a careful lover. He was careful to do the right things or say the right things. “Is there anything you need?”

“I just don’t want to be broken, living in a military run omega house. Know of anyone who wouldn’t mind a broken roommate?” I was feeling rather sorry for myself.

Mike smiled and said, “As a matter of fact, I do.”

I met Sherlock Holmes in a lab at the local hospital. When he was finished with whatever experiment he was running, he raised his head and stared at me. There was a cautious sniff all alpha and omega do when meeting someone new… As if you could read their life story with only a few sniffles. Mike had been chocolate and old books. Sebastian had been sage and gun powder. I am told mine is vanilla and roses. I have no idea what Sherlock is because I can’t smell anyone anymore.

The night I moved in Sherlock informed me that he was not interested in finding an omega. His work was far more important to him than servicing an omega and siring pups. As a broken omega I was a perfect fit. At times our alpha and omega personalities made it easy to live together. If he forgot to eat, I made sure he ate. If I needed someone to talk to, he was there. It was much like any other unbonded omega alpha relationship… Except there wasn’t any monthly fucking. 

After the first year… I was really beginning to miss the fucking. I could have sex, but the orifice an alpha needs is very tight and dry in unfertile omega males. It was possible, but I would need to be in the mood and have a lot of lube. 

I could be with a woman and I did date. The experience was like nothing I had ever known before as an omega male. It was nice to actually use my penis. But the relationships didn’t last very long. That was mostly Sherlock’s doing. Often he demanded attention at critical moments in my relationships that left me largely unsatisfied and sexually frustrated. 

^.~

The door to the bedroom opened and I focused on his form approaching the now dim living room. The sun had gone down while I was lost in thought. The presence stopped before my chair and he leaned down, bracing himself on the arms of my chair with his face in mine. “John…?”

“Mm?” I queried.

“May I bite you?”

“It doesn’t usually work unless someone is in heat.”

“Doesn’t usually… But it can?”

I shrugged, knowing he may not be able to see it in the dimness. “You can try if you really want.”

“What will happen?”

“You’ll be overwhelmed by my scent. It may make you dizzy and giddy… Like being drunk. You’ll want to ejaculate. If I was in heat I would become receptive to you and we’d conceive a pup. My body chemistry will react to your saliva in the wound and… And I’ll be yours.”

“What about me?” Sherlock whispered.

“As I said… You’ll ejaculate.”

“Are there any long term changes?”

“You’ll become protective of me. You won’t be able to bond with anyone else. If you try to bite someone else their scent will be repulsive. You can still service omega… You just won’t be able to bond with them. Otherwise alphas don’t change much.”

“May I bite you?” Sherlock whispered again.

“Sherlock… I can’t have pups.” I whispered back.

“I don’t need pups.” Sherlock breathed against my neck. “I need you.”

I involuntarily groaned at his words. My urge for closeness was intensifying. “Not out here.” For a brief, terrifying moment I imagined Mycroft making one of his unannounced appearances while his brother was in a very vulnerable moment. I patted his arm and moved to get up from the chair.

Sherlock allowed me and then followed as I led him back into his bedroom. I shut and locked the door behind us so we would not have unexpected company. The bed side lamp was on and I started to unbutton my shirt.

“What do I do?” Sherlock whispered anxiously.

“The correct angle to bite is as if you were mounting me.” I answered as I tossed away my shirt and my vest so I was bare from the waist up. I climbed onto the bed and took a very familiar position on my hands and knees before lowering my shoulders to the bed. There was silence in the room and for a moment I thought he had slipped out. “Sherlock?”

In answer someone climbed onto the bed with me and lightly touched my clothed hip. “Shouldn’t we be naked?” Sherlock asked softly. 

“All you have to do is bite my neck.” I answered, turning my head to look back at him. There was a look of uncertainty and worry on his face. “Do you want to be naked?”

Sherlock met my eyes for a moment before shaking his head. “You said I’ll ejaculate.”

“If this works properly it will be a lot.”

“I don’t like the idea of doing that in my clothes.” Sherlock sat back on his heels to stare at me.

“Then take off your clothes. I’ll take of mine if you like.” Sherlock nodded and I focused on balancing on one shoulder while reaching down to undo my trousers. I slipped them down along with my pants so my ass was exposed in the air. I returned my hands to where they had been, bracing myself to keep my balance. 

I heard a gasp. Cool fingers lightly touched my bottom, slipping into the crack to trace the seam of my omega orifice. “I’ve never seen an omega like this before.” Sherlock murmured, teasing the opening.

“You’ve seen dead omega.”

“It’s not the same.” Sherlock answered, gently probing me with a fingertip. 

I took deep breaths to steady myself, feeling his fingers push in.

“Does it hurt?” Sherlock queried.

“No… I don’t normally do that outside of heat. And when I’m in heat the need to be filled is overwhelming.”

“Your scent is strong here.” Sherlock breathed. “But earthier. It’s like the mulch in the rose garden.”

“Sherlock!” I chuckled, embarrassed by him describing my scent while practically having his nose pressed against my most private of places. “Focus.”

“This may be the only opportunity I’ll ever have to study you like this.” Sherlock answered as he shifted position. I could feel his bare cock pressed against my thigh and I looked back to see he was still wearing his shirt with his trousers down around his knees. “I’m to bite your neck from this position?”

“Correct.” I answered and propped myself up a little bit so he could reach me. Suddenly I was almost completely enfolded by his warmth against my back. I could feel his body heat through the silk shirt he wore. I pushed up to meet him and felt his hot breath against the back of my neck. 

“John… You smell… wonderful.” Those were his last words before his teeth bit down on the back of my neck. He held me, one arm around my torso and the other hand resting on my left hip. It didn’t hurt, but I felt when his jaw clenched to break skin. I knew I was bleeding and his tongue laved the wound. With a grunt he released his bite and pressed a kiss to my upper spine. “Fuck…” The curse was low and full of hunger. “Fuck… My knot.” Of course he had one. I had never seen it or his cock but I could feel its heat against the back of my thigh. His body pulled away, leaving me cold. “Roll over, John!” The command was sudden and unexpected. Clumsily I obeyed, getting an eyeful of his body before he crawled in between my thighs and lay down. 

For the next several minutes Sherlock Holmes proceeded to grind us together. His movements were desperate and powerful. If I could have him inside of me he would have been really good. He felt wonderful and too soon his movements made me cry out and cum against his stomach. His lips covered mine to swallow my cries and he too went still. I could feel something warm and wet pool on my stomach and roll down my sides. 

I lay beneath him, wallowing in his weight and warmth. And when he bowed his head against my shoulder I could faintly smell cinnamon. I nuzzled against his neck, taking in more of the spicy scent. It made my mouth water but I was content to breathe it in. 

Finally Sherlock got up and removed the last of his clothing. His eyes focused on my stomach for a moment. “Don’t move.” And with that he was gone to the bathroom. A few moments later he returned with a warm, wet flannel and proceeded to clean me. Tossing the flannel aside, he focused on my trousers, casting those aside as well. When he was satisfied he climbed back into bed, beside me. “Did it work?”

“You had the urge to fuck me… That’s a good sign that it worked.” I answered, glancing down at his slim body. Sebastian had been muscular, Sherlock was slim. His cock wasn’t as wide as Sebastian’s, but it was long. I didn’t get a very good look at his knot.

“Is it adequate?” Sherlock asked quietly.

“Your body? It’s magnificent.” I answered, smiling up at him. “I just wish you could have been inside of me.”

Sherlock smirked and then made a face. “Then you’d be pregnant.”

“Luckily I can’t get pregnant.” I replied as I kissed his sternum.

Sherlock wrapped his arms around my head and held me against his chest so I couldn’t move. “A few hours ago you called yourself broken.”

I held onto him, unsure how to respond. 

“I never wanted an omega. I didn’t see the point. I wished I had been born a beta so I wouldn’t have to think about it.” Sherlock’s arms tightened around my head. “But I am an alpha. I’ve been told it’s fate who we end up with. Perhaps I didn’t want them because I was meant to be with you. Together we are cinnamon rose tea with cream.”

The word cinnamon triggered something and I ducked my head under his arms to sit up and get a good look at him. “Is that your scent? Cinnamon?” 

Sherlock stared up at me, confused. “And tea. Not everyone likes cinnamon. I was teased when I presented. They said my scent burned their noses.”

“I smelled it.”

“You lost your sense of scenting.”

“Just now after you ejaculated. I smelled it on your neck. That was you.”

Sherlock looked at me as if I wasn’t making sense. 

I pounced on him and pressed my nose into his neck, taking a deep breath. I could still catch a whiff of cinnamon. “I can smell it. I can smell you.”

“I believe you.” Sherlock stared up at me, his hands holding my sides. 

I looked own at his half erect cock. Very carefully I straddled his hips. “I was meant for you?”

Sherlock moved his leg, knocking me forward onto his body. I caught myself before I could hurt him. “If you want pups, we can find a way.”

“You don’t want them.” I pointed out.

“I also didn’t want an omega and yet here you are.”

I kissed his sternum. 

“We don’t have to talk about it right now. Right now I have to meet Colonel Moran’s challenge.” His arms wrapped around me and I felt content. “John?” His tone was urgent and I looked at him. “Do you… Love me?” There was so much uncertainty in those pale eyes. 

I ran my hand through his curls, getting tangled with the snags. My Sherlock wasn’t a consistent groomer. I kissed under his chin. “Do you love me?” I challenged softly.

His hands slid down my body to rest on my bottom, squeezing both cheeks. “I asked you first.”

Without his arms pinning me down I was able to scoot up enough to kiss his lips, pushing my tongue into his mouth. Sherlock wasn’t the best kisser. I know there were cases when he had to pretend. But until that moment he had never kissed me. I teased his tongue before pulling back and chastely kissing his lips. “You are my alpha.” I breathed against his lips.

“Not what I asked…” Sherlock murmured against my lips, catching light kisses.

I rested my forehead against his, breathing in his air. I was so hungry for him. Pushing back just a little bit I could feel the tip of his cock against my opening. I ached for him to be inside of me and fill me. I pressed back and felt just the tip inside. Sherlock gasped and his eyes fluttered shut. I eased myself back even further, feeling him slowly slide into me. Curious, I reached down and encountered wet… So much wet. Shocked, I pulled away and checked myself again, finding something I hadn’t expected.

“What’s wrong?” Sherlock sat up, looking at me with concern. 

“I’m… I think I’m…” But I dare not speak it, knowing we both would be devastated if it wasn’t true. I lay back, opening my legs to him. “Am I open or closed?”

Sherlock traced the line and I felt his fingers slide into me easily. He wiggled them and I moaned. “What…?”

“It’s heat, Sherlock!” I answered, covering my face with my hands and rolling my body to the side. “I don’t believe this is happening now. It’s been two years!” And then I had the sensation like my sinuses were draining and I caught a very strong whiff of Sherlock’s scent. It really was cinnamon and tea. It made my mouth water.

“John…” Sherlock fluttered helplessly beside me, unable to understand what I was experiencing. “What do I do?”

I knew I had to face the inevitable. I rolled onto my front and lifted my hips into the air.

“You’ll get pregnant.” Sherlock whispered.

“Only if you bite me when you cum.” I answered. 

“Not like this.” Sherlock stated.

“What?” I looked back at him.

“I’m not mounting you like you’re some sort of breeder. Face to face or not at all.”

I rolled over onto my back and blinked up at Sherlock in perfect trust that he could take care of me. Sherlock crawled over me and I caught a glimpse of the beginnings of his knot. I shifted my attention to his face. His body eased down and I felt him slide into me.

And then began the thrusts. I know I mentioned just how good Sebastian had been when he fucked me… Sherlock outdid him. There were powerfully deep thrusts and then when his knot caught he grunted and writhed, calling my name as he tried to fill me deeper. His knot stretched me in a way I never thought I would experience again. And when he finally reached his orgasm he clung to me and whimpered in my ear. His lips pressed against my neck, close to our bond bite but no teeth. My own body clamped down on his, causing him to cry anew. I felt myself empty between us. I could smell him… His scent was everywhere and I could smell my own mingling with his, enhancing it. It really was cinnamon rose tea with cream.

We lay there for a long time waiting for his knot to deflate. “I love you.” I whispered to him, rubbing his back. Sherlock curled up against me, face to face, breathing one another’s air, occasional soft kisses brushing my face. 

Finally the knot deflated and he was able to roll off of me onto his back. “He can’t have you. Not without a fight.”

I chuckled in agreement.

“I’m serious, John.”

“I know you’re serious.” I answered.

I fell asleep, curled up against him.

^.~

“You’ve fucked my brother.” Mycroft growled dangerously.

I rolled my eyes and looked to Sherlock for support. There was none. Sherlock looked embarrassed and contrite. “I think you have that backwards. I am the omega.”

Mycroft glared at me. “I trusted you to keep him safe and you’ve dragged him into a challenge with one of the best snippers in the military! He would have no business with Colonel Moran if it wasn’t for you.”

“I don’t understand why Sebastian Moran thinks he has any claim to me. He abandoned me!” I answered.

“No, John Watson… He’s the one who shot you.”

The words made no sense and I had to roll them around in my head to comprehend them. “No.”

“Colonel Sebastian Moran is the best sniper in Her Majesty’s army. You were merely… Target practice.”

“You’re lying!” I snarled.

“It wasn’t meant to be a kill shot. No, you were promised to him. But a test subject was needed for a suppressant that would demoralize the enemy.”

Tears filled my eyes and I felt angry and helpless at his words.

“A suppressant shot from firearm to invade the enemy’s body and suppress their heats… As if they had lost fertility.” Mycroft dropped a folder onto the coffee table. Papers slid out, including photos of Sebastian… And me.

“Why?” I whispered, my eyes on a photo of me smiling at Seb, taken from afar.

“The enemy will think their omegas have stopped being fertile. Their alphas won’t know that it’s reversible with a bond bite.”

I covered my mouth with my hand and closed my eyes, feeling nauseous. 

“He left John! He left John alone in the hospital believing he was infertile. How can he do such a thing and then claim to want him back?”

“There was a need for test subjects that could be monitored. There was a question of how long an omega could be on the suppressant before it was permanent.”

“I’m a guinea pig?” I managed, unable to look at Mycroft.

“Colonel Moran always intended to return to you and bond. Your unwillingness to stay at the omega house changed that. He’s demanding that the government give him what he feels is rightfully his… You.”

“He shot me.” I turned away to stare out of the window.

“How could you experiment on people?” Sherlock demanded angrily.

“This wasn’t my project. But once John dragged you into this I had to find out more. This is what I found out. It wasn’t in John’s file. The experiment was secret. It wasn’t until Colonel Moran started to petition the government for possession of John that we knew of his involvement in the experiment.”

“Get out.” Sherlock’s voice was low and deadly, sending chills up my spine.

“You had no business biting him!” Mycroft’s voice moved towards the door.

“John is my omega. He chose me of his own free will. Moran cannot have him. I will fight to protect him and keep him free.”

“You’ve grown soft, brother dear.”

“Get out.” Sherlock repeated with a snarl. “You are not welcome in our home.”

The door opened and closed.

I kept my eyes on the window, blindly taking in the world outside. I wanted to cry, to scream! How could I be so wrong about someone I had loved? Sebastian sacrificed me for his mission… His career. I was nothing to him but target practice… Target practice that resulted in promotion while my own career was destroyed.

Warm arms wrapped around my body and I leaned back into Sherlock’s embrace from behind. “I won’t let him hurt you.” His lips brushed against the bond bite, sending warm shivers down my spine. 

“He’s a soldier, Sherlock… Trained to kill. He could be anywhere out there, waiting to take you out.”

Sherlock took a deep breath and held it.

I could imagine Sherlock laying in a puddle of blood, Moran’s bullet finding its mark. “He could force a bond… If you were dead.”

“What are you suggesting, John?”

“If I go to him willingly then he might leave you alone. He might be satisfied just to have me.”

“No.” Sherlock’s tone was firm and final.

I shut my eyes and began to cry, overwhelmed with the burden I had been given. “I don’t want you to die.”

“We’ll think of something.” Sherlock nibbled on my neck, teasing our bond mark with his teeth. 

I turned around and wrapped my arms around him, resting my forehead on his shoulder. “He used me.”

Sherlock tightened his grip on me, rubbing my back. “I’m sorry.”

A sudden thought occurred to me and I choked out a sob. “It wasn’t fate that brought us together… It was his bullet delivering suppressants. Suppressants he could override with a single bite.” My alpha hushed me, gently rocking with me before the window. The window! I pulled away from Sherlock’s arms and went to the window, drawing the curtains. “He’s a sniper.” I said as I finished arranging the curtains. 

“I’m not going to hide.” Sherlock stated from where he stood, watching me. 

“Then you’re a fool.” I answered, turning to him. 

“Maybe… But I see no reason to change my life for a coward who can’t even face me.”

I took his hands in my own. “Sherlock Holmes if you’re reckless I will kill you myself.”

His grin was wide and his eyes gleamed. “Will you?”

“That wasn’t a challenge. I mean it. Don’t abandon me like he did.”

There was still a smirk on his face as he leaned in to chastely kiss my lips. “I don’t plan to die anytime soon.”

I allowed him to take me to bed. We experimented with ways to pleasure one another outside of my heat. The most surprising position was when Sherlock buried his face into my orifice and took me with his tongue until I screamed. Never had an alpha done that!

Eventually he fell asleep.

When I heard him snore I got up from the bed, taking my mobile with me and quietly left the bedroom. I climbed the stairs to my old room, naked to find clothes to pull on. Sitting on the bed, I dialed a number I suspected may no longer be in service. But it was.

“Hello?” His voice was sleepy. It was late. But even with the lethargy I knew that voice.

“Seb?”

“John!” Immediately his voice brightened.

“Are you nearby?”

“I can’t tell you that.”

“If I was to wander towards the Regent’s Park gate near Baker Street in thirty minutes would you be there?”

I heard him shift position and grunt. My words were interesting to him. “I could be.”

“I’ll see you then.” Hastily I hung up and sat for a minute staring at my mobile. Sherlock was going to be very upset. But I had to try. With a deep breath I stood and crept back downstairs to fetch my shoes, keys, and wallet. I didn’t put on my shoes until I reached the front door. And then I was out into the night. The street was quiet with very few out at the late hour. Hastily I headed towards the park, knowing I would reach the gate long before he did. I crossed Outer Circle and made my way to the dark gate with gilding along the top.

I stood for what seemed like an eternity, aware that there was CCTV nearby that may have caught my departure. If Mycroft was watching he would know and alert Sherlock. I didn’t have much time. I should have picked a different gate. And I stood there, debating whether I had should call Sebastian and change. I was still debating when a figure approached me in the dark. I could smell the gun powder. 

Sebastian stopped several feet away from me and gave an audible sniff. “What has he done to you? You smell horrible!”

“It’s cinnamon.” I took in his disheveled look under the light of a street lamp. The lighting made him look sinister.

“It burns my nose. How can you stand it?”

“You’re not meant to enjoy it. It’s supposed to keep you away from me.”

“John… Be reasonable.” Sebastian took a few steps closer to me. “You can’t possibly love him. Whatever happened to our cottage? Our pups?”

“You shot me.” I answered.

“I didn’t kill you.”

“That’s supposed to make everything alright? You ruined my career, you abandoned me, made me infertile. Do you have any idea what I went through? I lost everything, Seb! Everything! For what? Some experiment in forced suppressants?”

“I meant to return to you… But you were already gone.”

“I nearly died. I nearly killed myself because I had nothing to live for. And then when I gave up all hope I met someone. He wanted to be with me as a person.”

“And then he bit you.”

“He bit me because he loves me. He didn’t care that I couldn’t have pups. He loves me and I love him.”

Sebastian closed the distance between us, glaring down at me in the darkness. His gun powder and sage tasted oily in my mouth as his scent overpowered me. “Sherlock Holmes doesn’t love anyone.”

“You’re wrong.”

“Am I? What do you know about Victor Trevor? Sebastian Wilkes?”

“Why do I need to know anything about them? He’s with me now. We’re bonded.” And yet the names left an uncertainty in me. I had never heard them before. Why wouldn’t Sherlock mention them? Where did Sebastian learn about them?

Sebastian reached out and lightly touched my cheek. “You will always be mine.”

I knocked his hand away.

I heard the growl rather than see the rage on his face. It was too dark to see properly. But I knew it was there. I had seen him fight before. Never had I imagined I would be the one he would fight. I found myself on the pavement with Sebastian’s hands around my throat. “Why can’t you do what you’re told?” His voice was raw, demanding. All I could do was attempt to kick him while my hands desperately tried to free my throat. I managed to kick him and he squeezed tighter. The world was going black around the edges.

“Get off of him.” Sherlock’s baritone was cold and deadly. I heard the cock of a gun. My gun. 

“I’ll snap his neck!” Sebastian snarled.

“Then you don’t love him as much as you claim.” Sherlock answered calmly. “Let go.”

Sebastian’s hands squeezed a moment more, making me see stars in the darkness. “Moriarty sends his regards.”

There was a sound of a hard object striking bone and Seb’s body slouched over mine. The last thing I heard before everything disappeared was Sherlock calling my name.

^.~

“John! John, please wake up. Please…”

Sherlock’s voice was desperate and I struggled to open my eyes. My throat hurt and I swallowed hard as my eyelids fluttered. I could see a lot of swirling light. There were voices. People were talking to each other. Radio voices too.

“John… Please…” Sherlock begged. “Don’t leave me.”

Finally I managed to wedge open my eyes to see him over me. There were tears in his eyes and he looked terrified.

 

“John...” There was a sound of wheels rattling and heavy boots approached us. “He’s been unconscious for five minutes, thirty eight seconds. He’s coming around.” Sherlock was speaking to someone.

A mask was placed over my nose and mouth, I could smell the tanked oxygen. “It’s alright. We have him.”

“He might be… Pregnant.” Sherlock managed, a sob in his throat. “We’re… It’s a new bond.”

“We’ll check him at the hospital.” The voice answered.

“Sherlock, are you going with them?” Lestrade’s voice asked.

“I have to. Will you keep Moran in custody?”

“Mycroft’s men will be taking possession of him.”

“I want to question him too.” Sherlock’s voice was distancing as I was being rolled away.

“Go with your mate, Sherlock. That’s more important right now. He needs you.”

I was placed in an ambulance and could hear Sherlock’s grumbles as he climbed in after me, accusing his brother of being an incompetent buffoon. Then he took my hand as the ambulance took off, wailing the whole way.

^.~

I woke sometime later in a hospital room. I could hear the monitors hooked up to me giving soft beeps. I looked down my body and saw Sherlock resting his arms and head on my mattress. I managed to touch his elbow and he startled out of sleep, blinking at me in the dim light. 

“John.” His eyes were red and he looked raw.

“Sherl…” Somehow I managed through the pain.

“Your wind pipe is bruised.”

“Yeah…” 

“You lost consciousness.” Sherlock reached out and took my hand in his. “You’re bleeding.”

With my free hand I reached up to gingerly touch my neck. It seemed swollen.

“No… Not there. I mean… Failed pregnancy.” His eyes stared dully somewhere at my abdomen.

I grunted, unable to respond properly due to my throat.

“There was a possibility… I knotted you soon after I bit you. You may have been fertile. I wasn’t really thinking properly.”

“Sherl…” I squeezed his hand.

Sherlock blinked and looked to me, his eyes damp with tears in the corners. “It had nothing to do with what he did to you. It just failed to implant. It happens.”

I knew it happened. Beta women bleed every month. Omega only bleed when a pregnancy fails. We only ovulate when we are bitten. 

Sherlock squeezed my hand again. “I’m so sorry, John.”

My fingers tightened on his and I closed my eyes. My throat hurt too much to speak.

^.~

Within a day I was released from hospital. Once it was determined that I would be able to breathe without danger of the swelling suffocating me I was free to go. 

Sherlock spent the time in hospital at my side, unable to leave me. It’s a trait in alphas that is sometimes annoying for hospital staff. Having an alpha underfoot is never easy. I had been kept in the omega ward. The rooms were bigger and there were always extra beds for the omega’s alpha to sleep in. 

Not that Sherlock used the extra bed. Somehow he found a way to practically climb into my bed when the nursing staff wasn’t looking. It amused me to find that Sherlock’s alpha instincts affected him so completely. Had we not bonded he likely would have spent the time back at the flat or interrogating Sebastian. But Sherlock didn’t seem to notice that his eagerness for the case had been tempered by my convalescence. 

When I was finally discharged he seemed to snap out of whatever instinctive mode he had been in and dragged me off to Mycroft’s domain.

“Whatever can I do for you, little brother?” Mycroft asked somewhat smugly. His eyes were on my throat and I knew he was thinking of how Sherlock had to come to him for information after their argument.

“Moran.” Sherlock answered shortly.

“What about him?”

“He nearly killed John. I demand to see him.”

“He is already being handled. He does not need to see you.” Mycroft replied smoothly.

“Mycroft!”

Mycroft made a face and glared at Sherlock. “You should go home and take care of your omega. You brought him here directly from hospital. Have you any concern for his welfare?”

“Of course his welfare concerns me. That’s why I want to interview the man who nearly killed him.”

“Interview him? I was under the impression that you wished to interrogate him.”

“May I speak to him?” I asked, turning to Mycroft. The older alpha glared at me in annoyance. “He was my alpha, it is my right.”

Mycroft rolled his eyes and rubbed his forehead. “It is your right… No doubt my brother will demand to be there as is his right as your present alpha.”

“Of course!” Sherlock replied.

I knew Mycroft was annoyed that Sherlock found a way to beat him with my help. “Very well…” His tone was resigned. “I will have you brought to where I am holding him.”

“Thank you.” I whispered, my voice sore from the effort of my previous outburst.

Mycroft merely waved us away.

“You’re not going with me.” Sherlock announced when we were in one of Mycroft’s cars together.

“I am.”

“Don’t argue with me. You need to rest your throat. You’re in no shape to be there.”

“Mycroft gave me permission. If I don’t go then you don’t go.”

“John, be reasonable!”

I gave him a dark glare. 

“I won’t let him hurt you… Again.”

With a weary sigh I rolled my eyes. My throat hurt too much to argue. All I really wanted was to go home to our flat and be surrounded by his scent. The car smelled too much like Mycroft… Anise and whiskey… Although I suspect the whiskey was due to the bottle he kept in his car. It covered part of his natural scent. It was amazing how much I had missed because of what Sebastian had done to me. 

“John…” Sherlock tried again.

I waved him off with a scowl. I didn’t want to hear his entreaties. I had to do this. I had to confront Sebastian.

“John… I can smell your apprehension. You don’t want to do this.”

“I have to know. Why me?”

“I will ask him.” Sherlock offered.

I shook my head. “I will.”

The car slowed and we found ourselves outside Mycroft’s offices. Vaguely I knew he kept some sort of holding cell on the property. We were escorted inside by two alphas in sun glasses and earpieces. Down we went into the basement to a room that contained a cell.

Sebastian looked up as we entered, his eyes immediately followed me as we approached the bars of the holding cell. “John.”

I nodded in answer and looked him over. Within the past 24 hours he had been roughed up. His face had cuts and the corner of his mouth was bleeding. There were also bruises. 

“Tell us about Moriarty.” Sherlock demanded.

“Why would I talk to you? I will talk to my John.”

Sherlock made a face. “John’s throat is bruised from when you strangled him. You’ll talk to me.”

“John.” Sebastian smiled brightly at me. “I can smell the blood. You lost the bastard pup, didn’t you?”

I could feel Sherlock’s anger and annoyance at Sebastian’s words. But I had to try and get Seb talking. “Yes. Tell me about Moriarty.”

“Moriarty…” Sebastian grinned and sat upon the cot that had been provided for him. “He’s a beta… But you’ve met him already. You know that.”

“How do you know him?” I asked.

“I met him when we were deployed. He said I could have anything I wanted if I tested his drug on you. You were supposed to go to the omega house and I would have come for you and bonded with you.”

I shook my head. “Why me?”

“Because I knew what you wanted. You wanted a bond and pups. You weren’t going to get that in Afghanistan. Your biological clock was ticking. Tick tock, tick tock.”

“You betrayed me.”

“Why don’t I tell you about Victor Trevor? Want to hear about him? Moriarty told me a lot of stories about this alpha’s school days. Victor Trevor, Sebastian Wilkes, Irene Adler… He’s incapable of being loved.” 

“I don’t want to know.” I answered. “Don’t need to…”

“Oh, but I think you do. Did you know that before he finished presenting as an alpha he let his alpha roommate have his way with him? That’s what I heard anyway. No alpha would allow another alpha to mount them like that. It was all anyone could talk about when the other boys at school found out. And they did find out. Caught in the act. Imagine an alpha taking the role of an omega. He lashed out on his poor alpha lover.”

I didn’t want to hear it. And yet my voice gave out so I couldn’t speak. I felt horrible for Sherlock. I looked to him and saw him glaring at Sebastian.

“What’s wrong?” Sebastian smiled at Sherlock. “I know someone who was there. I know what happened. You’re nothing more than a tight hole. Does John know that?”

I grunted hearing the slur for an alpha that liked taking another alpha in the anus as if he was an omega. The words were harsh. I pushed past the pain in my throat. “Shut up.”

“Shut up?” Sebastian turned his attention to me. “You like living with a tight hole? He’s not even a real alpha. A real alpha would never allow that.”

“Shut up, Seb.” I managed. 

“Or what?” Sebastian challenged back, approaching the bars of the cell.

“Just so you know, Sebastian Moran… You’re not getting out of here alive. My brother will torture you some more and then he’s going to kill you.”

“Letting your brother fight your battles like the tight hole you are.” Sebastian answered.

I made a lunge for the cell but I was caught by Sherlock before I could reach it. “John, he’s not worth it.” Sherlock whispered to me. 

“I despise you.” I whispered miserably to the grinning man behind bars. “You’re a monster.”

Sebastian shrugged it off and rolled his eyes. “That’s not what you said when my knot was inside of you.” The last I saw of him before Sherlock dragged me out was of waving to me as we departed.

^.~

Sherlock paced back and forth in front of the couch. His movements were beginning to make me feel dizzy. 

“Stop.” I managed.

Sherlock paused in his pacing and stared at me, a look of horror on his face. “There is something you must understand, John.”

I shook my head, unsure of his meaning.

Abruptly Sherlock sat on the coffee table to stare at me. “I was very young and foolish. I didn’t know anything about what omega and alpha were.”

I shook my head again, not wanting to hear what he was about to say.

“I hadn’t yet presented. I thought I was going to be omega… He told me I was showing all the signs of presenting as an omega. He had just presented, you see… So I trusted that he knew. But it was all a mistake. He said I would have to be serviced someday soon so I may as well start then. Omega have to be serviced no matter their age. I didn’t like it. And then we were caught. And then shortly after I presented and they mixed up the order of events.”

“Sherlock, I don’t mind.” I answered quietly.

“You believe me?”

I took his hands and squeezed them. 

Sherlock joined me on the couch and wrapped his arms around me, pressed his nose against my neck and breathed in my scent. “The other names… Nothing happened. Wilkes boasted that he had had me. He never even touched me. It was all just… Lies. And Irene wasn’t even an alpha.”

I held him tightly, surrendering into his embrace. 

Sherlock pulled back a little to look me in the eyes. “She was an omega. She asked me to service her.”

I shook my head to try and communicate that it wasn’t a problem. “It’s alright. That’s what unbonded alpha are supposed to do.”

“I couldn’t… I couldn’t service her. I couldn’t get hard.”

“It happens.” I soothed. Sometimes the alpha and omega were just too incompatible.

“I’m hard now.” Sherlock kissed my shoulder. 

I smiled at him.

“I almost lost you, John. He almost killed you. I don’t like that.” His teeth nipped at my shoulder. 

I slouched on the couch so I was half sprawled on it.

“I have the overwhelming urge to claim you. Is that normal?”

I nodded and smiled at him as I unbuttoned my trousers.

Sherlock peeled everything off of me from the waist down leaving only my jumper. Immediately his face was between my legs and his tongue took my opening. 

I winced, thinking about how there still may be traces of blood from the loss of our pup. The thought overwhelmed me and I covered my mouth to keep from crying out.

Sherlock froze and then sat up enough to rest his head on my belly. “I’m sorry. I forgot.”

I reached down and touched his soft curls. 

“Would you like to have a pup?”

“You don’t want them.” I reminded him.

Sherlock licked my belly button before resting his face against my belly again. “I know your loss of fertility devastated you. I would like to give you a chance to use it.”

“But a pup with our schedules?”

“Mrs. Hudson will babysit.”

“Sherlock…”

“Just imagine it… My knot locking us together… My teeth in your neck.”

“You’re describing heat.”

“That’s the best part.”

“Then comes childbirth and late night feedings… Nappies.”

“Just think about it.” Sherlock smiled at me. Shifting a little he took my cock into his mouth and for the next few minutes my mind was blissfully blank.

^.~

My heat was fast approaching. I could feel the familiar sensation of hunger and fever. My mobile buzzed and I checked the text. The words I saw made all the side effects of heat completely disappear in a wash of chills.

Sherlock perked up, aware of my sudden change in mood. “What is it?”

I tossed the mobile towards him and stood up again to resume my pacing. I could feel the contractions as my cervix and orifice labored to open and receive my alpha. My alpha...

“Your alpha is dead.” Sherlock read out the text. “This is Mycroft? I assume he means Sebastian Moran and not me. I certainly don’t feel dead.” Sherlock tossed the mobile aside and adjusted his position on the bed.

My pacing came to a stop and I stared down at him in all his naked glory. His cock was hard and there was the beginning of the knot at its base, ready to service me.

Sherlock stared up at me, unashamed of his body and smirking at me. “John?”

“What if I want a pup?”

Sherlock sighed and rolled his eyes. The conversation had come up many times in the past month. “If that is what you want.”

“I want to know what you want.”

“I want to knot you.” Sherlock grinned.

“But do you want a pup?”

“John…” Sherlock reached out for me and I sat on the bed beside him. Immediately I was enfolded into his arms and pulled down onto the bed. His lips kissed me as his scent washed over me. I felt at peace in his arms, surrounded by him. “I’d give you the world.”

“I’m not asking for the world.”

“Will you settle for me?”

I pushed him off and straddled him. “See now… I think you’re settling for me.”

“Never.” Sherlock whispered and bit his lips as I slowly took him into me. “Conductor… Of light…” His words were breathless and disjointed as I rode him. “Can’t…”

I paused in my movements. “Can’t what?”

“I can’t bite you in this position, can I?” Sherlock responded.

“No, you cannot.” I agreed and resumed my riding. For several minutes I watched as Sherlock made a variety of faces in response to my movements. Finally he settled on staring at me. “What?” I demanded, stopping again.

“Hands and knees.”

Obediently I dismounted and assumed the position every other alpha in my life had taken for granted. I felt Sherlock push into me from behind and his hands held me as he gave several, powerful strokes. His knot which up until then had only been teasing me finally pushed into place and held us together. I gasped at how tight it felt within me. I felt his warmth as he leaned over my back. His breath was hot and then he bit. I cried out and immediately ejaculated onto the sheet beneath me. Inside of me I could feel him pulse deep within. His breath was ragged and shallow.

I bowed my head, feeling my alpha completely overwhelm me. I had one last thought as my body relaxed into submission and sleep… Sherlock was attempting to fulfill my desire for a pup.

^.~

I woke, warm and content. I was on my side and I could feel Sherlock’s knot still within me. 

Sherlock stirred and kissed my neck. “Sleep, John.”

“Am I pregnant yet?” I asked wearily.

“Sleep…” Sherlock soothed, holding me tightly.

I obeyed.

^.~

Six months passed since our first heat together. Every month Sherlock bit me… And every month within a few days of my heat I bled. The longest was a week. I was beginning to think that whatever Sebastian had done to me I will never be able to bring my pups to term. 

Then again… Maybe it wasn’t the suppressants. I was beginning to think that maybe it was just me.

^.~

We were in a lab at St. Bart’s and we were on the run from the law. Moriarty had framed Sherlock, making the world believe he was the master criminal. My heat was upon me and there was nowhere safe to go. Our flat was compromised. We ran for what seemed like hours before the cramps made things difficult. Sherlock practically carried me into St. Bart’s. We took shelter in the lab with Molly keeping watch outside the door. I was miserable. 

Sherlock held me while he sat with his back to the table. I straddled his lap, facing him with my trousers and pants discarded on the floor beside us. One of his hands held me in place while I impaled myself over and over with his exposed cock. “Gently.”

“It’s not enough, Sherlock…” I whispered, not wanting Molly to hear me from her post outside the door.

Sherlock pushed his own trousers down a little more, exposing his bottom to the chilly floor. “A little more…”

I dropped down and felt his knot push into place. We were stuck together, unable to move from our position. “There.” I breathed and tightened on him.

Sherlock grunted softly in my ear as his teeth clamped down on my trapezius muscle near my shoulder. I could feel him cum inside of me.

That triggered my own orgasm and I held him tightly, only faintly aware that we were not in the safest locations for working through a heat. 

Sherlock’s hand slipped under my shirt to touch skin as he clung to me even tighter. “I want you to go with Mycroft.”

“What?” The words caught me by surprise.

“After I pull out I need you to get dressed and go with Mycroft. He’ll be taking you into protective custody.”

“I will not!” I insisted.

Sherlock looked into my eyes, frowning. “Do this for me.”

“No. I’m at your side.” I answered.

“John…” His hand reached up to touch my cheek tenderly and he looked weary. “Moriarty will hurt you to get to me.”

“Like with Moran… We’re in this together.”

“I’ve been a poor excuse for an alpha… Let me confront him on my own.” 

“Sherlock…”

Sherlock gave me a look. “Do this. I can’t lose you, John. The loss will kill me.”

Numbly I nodded and leaned against him. I felt helpless as I sat there, half naked and knotted with him in a lab at St. Bart’s and Molly listening at the door. In that moment I hated the world for doing this to us. “Will you stay safe?”

Sherlock did not respond for a long time. Instead he tightened his grip on me and rested his face against my neck to breathe in my scent. Finally, “I’ll try.” I knew it was the only promise I could get out of him. 

His knot deflated too soon and we pulled apart. The heat would continue but it can be bearable if an omega is knotted at least once. Hastily I moved to grab my clothing. But then I found myself on the floor with Sherlock’s face between my legs. “What are you doing?” I asked, the floor cold through my vest.

Sherlock pulled away, his own cum left on his chin and lips. Then he was on my penis, sucking it down to the root. I closed my eyes and went along with the sensations he created in me. Too soon I had another orgasm, my third since the start of the heat. With a predatory gleam in his eye Sherlock climbed up my body and fiercely kissed my lips. I could taste our combined cum in his mouth. It was the most erotic and disgusting thing I had ever tasted. But I kissed him back.

Finally Sherlock broke the kiss. “Love you.” It was barely even a whisper. And then he was gone, off of me and tucking himself back into his trousers.

I lay there for some time. Had he just proclaimed his love for the very first time after giving me such a filthy kiss? 

“You’ll get cold if you stay like that.” Sherlock prompted as he sat upon a chair. “Mycroft will be here any minute.”

Numbly I pulled back on my clothes. “You just told me that you love me.” I stated as I stood on one leg to pull on my pants.

“It would be unfair to leave you to wonder.” Sherlock responded. His mobile buzzed and he glanced at it, making a face. “Mycroft is here.”

“Sherlock…” I sighed, standing in my pants.

“You must go.” Again he frowned at his mobile.

Hastily I pulled on my trousers and went to him. I caught his face in my hands. “I love you too.” And then I kissed him. 

Sherlock kissed me back, hungrily, his hands reaching for me and pulling me close. My pheromones were still very strong and he couldn’t help himself. My hands messed up his curls as I bit his lower lip and pulled away. The man I pulled away from looked completely devastated, although I had no idea why. I was the one being sent away. “Goodbye, John.” His voice broke and he blinked rapidly before looking away.

I unlocked the door and met Molly. She took me to Mycroft.

^.~

I don’t remember much about the next few hours of events. One moment I was stuck in a town car. We didn’t move. There was some sort of action going on. Attention was drawn to the roof of St. Bart’s so I looked too. That’s when I saw Sherlock and Moriarty. I got out of the car and I remember there was a lot of shouting from body guards who tried to get me back into the town car. I ignored them and walked towards the hospital. Moriarty had gone missing between the time I noticed him and when I got out of the car. Sherlock was alone on the roof, looking about. Suddenly he seemed to notice me and I heard my mobile ring.

I paused and looked down at in, not remembering pulling it from my pocket. The caller ID said “Sherlock” so I answered it.

“John! Don’t move!”

“What?” I looked up at the roof.

“Stay where you are.”

“Why?” I asked, confused.

“I have to tell you… I’m a fraud. I really did do those things…”

“Sherlock, no!” I shouted more at the roof than at my mobile. “I’ve been with you the whole time. It wasn’t you.”

“Goodbye, John.”

My phone went dead and I saw him jump. That was all I remembered for a long time. I was told I screamed myself hoarse. I desperately attempted to make it to where he fell, only to be pulled away by Mycroft’s body guards. I am told I fought them and how it took four alphas to bring me back to the safety of the car. I am told I wept for a full day before going eerily silent. I don’t recall any of it.

And when I came back to myself I felt so alone.

^.~

A month after Sherlock jumped I started to get sick. I had nausea and I was always tired. At first I thought I was wasting away… And then I wondered when my heat would rear its ugly head. The idea of going through it without Sherlock made me feel sicker. My heat never came and the sickness continued. I was miserable.

^.~

It was Mycroft who noticed. I had haunted his house for close to three months so he had plenty of time to observe me on a daily basis. On that occasion I was drifting through the sitting room.

“How long has it been since your last heat?” The directness came as a bit of a shock.

I blinked at him. “What?”

“Your heats… How often do you have them and when was your last one?” Mycroft asked.

I shook my head, unable to remember and slightly embarrassed that I hadn’t even thought of them except in passing. “Does it matter?”

“When was the last time you were serviced, John?” Mycroft leaned forward in his chair.

“At St. Bart’s when we were on the run.” 

“The day Sherlock died?” Mycroft raised an eyebrow.

I took a step away from him as if to distance myself from that reality. “It’s nothing… The suppressants…”

“You’ve been sick to your stomach most mornings.”

I shook my head. “It’s a broken bond.”

Mycroft crossed his arms over his chest and stared at me imperiously. “That’s not a broken bond… That’s pregnancy.”

“That’s impossible!” I nearly shouted.

“How is it impossible?”

“Because he didn’t bite me.”

“So that wasn’t blood I saw on your vest?”

I shook my head. “He didn’t bite the bond mark.”

“John Watson you are a doctor. Is the bond mark the only place an alpha bites to cause his omega to ovulate?”

I was stumped. Sherlock had bitten me close to the side of the neck, near my shoulder. “But I’m… I’m infertile.”

“Whatever gave you that idea? Your body was working through a very powerful suppressant. You didn’t expect to get pregnant within the first few months, did you?”

“I’m not pregnant.” The idea both exhilarated me and yet terrified me. Sherlock was dead. How was I to raise a pup without him? 

“How long has it been since your last heat? And did you miscarry the pup afterwards?”

I thought back and realized… I hadn’t. “I can’t…”

“Can’t what? Keep it? Isn’t this something you’ve wanted?”

“Not without Sherlock!” I retorted and stormed off to my room, suddenly very overwhelmed by what I had learned.

I lay for a time on the bed and touched my abdomen. Was I even pregnant? I needed to have tests taken to make sure. Everything could be a coincidence. I could be placing too much hope on something that wasn’t certain. I could be barren… That last heat my last. There was no miscarriage because I hadn’t ovulated. My hand stayed on my belly, trying to check for change in size. But it was too early to tell. Omega deliver after six months of gestation. I wouldn’t show for another two months. Omega males show only within their last month. It was some sort of survival adaptation so we were vulnerable during the last four weeks. An omega male goes into nesting during his last month as his body grows. No one would see or know because our instinct is to hide until the pup is born. Omega females show at four months and spend eight weeks hiding. No one knows why there’s a difference except females often have two pups.

I pressed on my belly to find out if I can feel my uterus. I couldn’t. I gave up and rolled over. It may have been true but I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I knew it would hurt too much if it wasn’t true.

^.~

Molly was my birthing partner. Her beta scent didn’t bother me as I was at my most vulnerable. I couldn’t stand Mycroft’s scent. Beta scents weren’t as strong as alphas or omegas. And Molly was someone I could trust. Mrs. Hudson was older and she was content in playing the support role. During the month of isolation she made sure both Molly and I were fed.

The day I returned to the flat to begin my isolation Mrs. Hudson had been angry with me for spending so much time away. But when she saw the swell of my belly she immediately forgave me. 

Molly created a nest using Sherlock’s clothing. It still smelled of him. It was very important for a newborn to imprint on both parents even if one of them was dead. His lingering scent would help our child. When the nest was prepared and the rest of the flat put to rights there was nothing to do but wait for four weeks. 

Molly took my old room as I slept in Sherlock’s old bed… Our bed. I was surrounded by his scent for a solid month and how I missed him. There was an ache within me, a hollowness that I thought had crusted over while I was at Mycroft’s. But with the renewed scent everything was raw and new. And there was nothing I could do but lay on our bed and cry for my loss as my belly grew.

Molly tried… She tried very hard. Patiently she listened to me cries and fed me. When something reminded me anew of my loss she was very understanding of my grief. Of course there had been a time when she had been attracted to Sherlock before he met me. That never really goes away. I suppose my pain probably hurt her in ways I didn’t understand. But she stayed with me. And when my month was up she and Mrs. Hudson were there. 

I squatted in the nest I made of bedding and clothing… Everything that I could find that held the scent of cinnamon and tea. Mrs. Hudson and Molly held my hand and rubbed my back, encouraging me to push out the life Sherlock and I had created. Omega were made for birthing and it didn’t take long before my son emerged. 

His muffled newborn cry was met with Mrs. Hudson’s tears of delight as she scooped him up into a flannel to clean him off and then wrapped him in Sherlock’s purple silk shirt. “He’s beautiful, John.” Mrs. Hudson managed, quite overcome as she passed him to Molly.

“Congratulations.” Molly smiled at me with sadness in her eyes. “What will you call him?”

I rested on the edge of the nest and just shook my head, unable to even think of a name. Molly placed the newborn pup into my arms and I leaned in to take a good whiff of him. At that moment he smelled of both Sherlock and myself. That would change as he became less helpless. Slowly his own scent would emerge. 

Molly and Mrs. Hudson cleaned up the birthing mess and left me to attend the pup. Some mess had escaped the flannels and blanket that had been laid down to catch the fluids. But I didn’t mind. I lay on my back and allowed the pup to nurse. Both beta women stayed in the flat but allowed me privacy alone with my pup to bond. I felt grateful to them for those moments of privacy.

^.~

Billy bounced at my feet, his hands on my knees. “Da! Up!” 

I scooped him up and he let out a gleeful squeal. Like most pups born to alpha and omega pairings, his development was faster than a beta child. At a year old he could already walk and make his wishes known with simple words. I held him over my head before settling him on my face to blow raspberries into his tummy, which always caused him to giggle. I could smell his scent beginning to establish itself. There was honey and something else I couldn’t yet identify. I dropped him off my face into my arms and he laughed. 

“Again!” Billy begged. His dark curls and blue eyes made him a miniature version of Sherlock I could never resist. I imagined Sherlock at that age, inquisitive and full of life.

When I filled out his birth certificate Mycroft had informed me of Sherlock’s full name. I decided his son should have part of his name, William. I called him Billy… My little Billy Bee. I started calling him my bee because of his honey scent. That and when he first started talking he referred to himself as “B.”

“Again!” Billy demanded. 

“It’s time for your nap.”

“No…” Billy shook his head. 

“We’ve had a lot of fun and now it’s time for a nap.”

“No.” Billy pouted.

“It’s time for little Billy Bee to settle down in his hive. Buzz, buzz, buzz…” I carried him to our room and settled him in his cot. 

“Milk.”

I sighed and settled on the edge of my bed, allowing him to nurse until he drifted off. Carefully I set him back into the cot and left the room, shutting the door behind me.

Someone was in the flat. I blinked up at the figure standing before the front door. Long, matted hair, beard and mustache. And yet I didn’t smell him. I put myself between the front door and the door to the hallway. “Who are you?”

“John?” A familiar voice whispered. 

I took a step back the way I had come, shaking my head at the absurdity of the situation. “No… You’re dead.”

The figure took a step closer. “John… Please.”

“You’ve been dead for 19 months. You’re not here. I’m imagining this.” I answered.

Suddenly I heard Billy’s cry through the baby monitor on the coffee table. Both Sherlock’s ghost and I stared at the monitor. “Da!”

I retreated back to the bedroom and picked up my pup from his cot. “What is it, my little bee? You’re supposed to be taking a nap.”

“No…” Billy murmured, clinging to me.

With a defeated sigh I carried him back into the living room. Sherlock’s ghost had closed the front door and now sat on his chair.

“Someone is here to see us.” I rubbed the pup’s back as I sat on my own chair. “Do you want to meet them?”

“No…” Billy whimpered in a way that told me he really was sleepy, but was being stubborn. 

I shifted him to cradle him in my arms, giving Sherlock’s ghost a better look. 

Sherlock fell to his knees and moved closer, kneeling on the floor before us. With a subtle sniff, he smiled. “Mine?”

Billy pouted, unsure what to think of the alpha that seemed solid enough for a ghost. 

“Who else would he be?” I asked. “How are you here?”

Sherlock absently pushed a matted lock of curls back behind his ear. “Technically I’m not supposed to be here.”

“Then where are you supposed to be?”

“Mycroft wanted to debrief me after my mission. I gave him the slip and came here instead.”

“You look horrible.” I reached out to touch his greasy hair.

“I’ve been living rough.”

There was a knock on the door and it immediately opened. Mycroft stepped in. “Oh good, he’s here.”

“Unc Myc!” Billy roused himself and struggled down from my lap to toddle over to his uncle. “Unc Myc! Up!”

“How can I resist?” Mycroft picked up the pup and held him. “Look at that, Billy… Your papa has come home.”

Billy made a face. “No.”

“That’s his favorite word right now.” I informed Mycroft. “The answer to everything is ‘no.’”

“No.” Billy echoed. 

“John, may I steal your alpha for a few hours?” Mycroft asked.

“Since when do you ask before taking?” I demanded, annoyed with him. 

“I have to set a good example for the pup.” Mycroft answered. “Don’t I, Billy?”

“No.” Billy announced.

Mycroft set the pup in my lap and I caught him before he could squirm away. “Only for a few hours.”

“What does it matter? He’s dead.” I answered, feeling just a little bit cruel. I stood up from my chair and carried my pup back with me to our bedroom. “Be sure to lock up when you leave.” Shutting the door, I leaned against it. Billy squirmed in my grasp and I let him down.

“Da?” Clumsily he patted at my legs, sensing my agitation. 

There was a knock at the bedroom door.

“Go away!” I answered.

“Away!” Billy echoed.

“John…” Sherlock’s voice drifted through the door. “Please let me in.”

“Don’t you have some sort of mission to debrief from?” I challenged him back. My legs gave out and I slid down the door to sit before it. Billy climbed onto my lap.

“John… I’ll be right back. Only a few hours. I’ll get cleaned up and I’ll tell Mycroft what he needs to know. John… Are you there?”

I bowed my head and cried into my pup’s curls. The betrayal and anger overwhelmed me. Sherlock had been alive and there had been no word. Mycroft had known and there had been no comfort given. Mycroft watched me suffer and did nothing.

“John… Please…” His voice broke. “I swear I’ll be back. Just give me a few hours more.”

“Just go.” I called through the door. I heard his footsteps retreat from the door.

I don’t know what all I did while I waited… And yes, I waited for his return. Eventually I got Billy to sleep. I spent most of the time in the living room before I gave up and decided that it had only been my imagination. I crawled into bed.

I felt his return at 2:23am as he climbed into bed behind me. His scent overwhelmed me, making me drool a little at his cinnamon scent. “You’re late.” I whispered.

Sherlock’s arm wrapped around me and he nibbled on our bond bite, causing me to shiver. 

“I’m still angry with you.” I rolled my head back so he couldn’t nibble on me. “I grieved for you, Sherlock. I saw you die. Do you have any idea…?”

Sherlock forced me to roll onto my back so he could kiss my shoulder and my sternum. His beard was gone. His lips pressed under my chin and to my lips. 

I reached up and patted him on the back, feeling him flinch and gasp with my touch. My hand slid down his back, encountering bandages and rough patches. Quickly I sat up and reached for the lamp.

“John… Don’t…” Sherlock whimpered as the light came on. 

I stared in horror at what looked like a mess on his once smooth back. “What happened to you?” I demanded.

Sherlock rolled onto his side and stared up at me in the dim light. “I was tortured.”

“When?”

“On my mission. I was caught and tortured several times.”

“Why?” I demanded.

“John… Turn off the light and lay down… Please?”

I slouched down but I didn’t turn off the light. “Why?” I repeated.

“I was dismantling Moriarty’s web. I followed it everywhere.”

“Why? Moriarty was dead.”

“He was going to kill you. After he died his people were supposed to kill you. He told me he would burn my heart right out of me… My omega… You. I had to protect you.”

“I didn’t ask for that.” I whispered.

“My life didn’t matter. If he took you…” Sherlock let out a soft sigh and nearly rolled onto his back before he flinched and returned to his side. “You’re much stronger than I am. You could survive my death. I could never survive yours.”

“I almost didn’t.” 

“I knew Mycroft would protect you.”

“Did you know I was pregnant?” I asked.

“No… That was a surprise.” Sherlock turned his head in the direction of the cot where Billy slept. “Only one year old?”

“Yes. And he’s either omega or alpha by the way he’s developing.”

“You call him Billy?”

“His name is William. William Christopher Scott Watson Holmes. It’s such a long name for a little baby. So I called him Billy. His scent is coming in. It’s honey.”

“I wish I could have been there for you.”

“I had Molly and Mrs. Hudson.”

Sherlock flinched and bit his lips.

“What?” I demanded, seeing his reaction.

“Molly helped me fake my death.”

I was suddenly filled with more betrayal and rage. “She… She knew?”

“I needed a body…”

“She knew and she never said anything? She watched me suffer…”

“John… I told her not to tell anyone.”

The pain was raw and was deep. Molly had lied to me. It was a harsh betrayal. “She helped deliver Billy.”

Sherlock reached out and lightly touched my arm. I pushed his hand away. “John…”

“She could have ended my suffering and she didn’t.”

“Mycroft could have told you.”

“But it’s something I’ve come to expect from Mycroft!” I shot back. “I trusted her. Trust isn’t easy for me.”

“I know. That was my fault. I’m sorry. I told her it would mean your life if she told you.” Sherlock tried again to touch me and this time I let him although I was miserable. “She meant well.”

“It hurts that you told her… And not me. Me… Your mate… Your omega. You didn’t love me enough to…”

“Stop!” Sherlock whimpered and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into him. “I died for you. Moriarty made it clear… It was to be either me or you. I chose me because… I couldn’t…” Desperately he clung to me. “I didn’t care what happened to me as long as you survived. Don’t accuse me of not loving you. You are my heart, John. You have always been my heart. Moriarty knew that. He promised he would burn my heart out of me. For Moran… He had a fucking thing for Moran and wanted to see me miserable because I stole you away from Moran.”

I rolled over to face him, pressing my forehead against his. I didn’t want to talk about Moran. I could smell the mint on Sherlock’s breath and coconut in his hair from his grooming. A few hours he had come to me ungroomed and raw from his mission. I kissed his nose as he pressed against me for comfort. “Are your wounds infected?”

“Some are. Mycroft’s doctors gave me an exam. Stitches and whatnot. They gave me antibiotics… STI panel.”

“STI panel?” I echoed, horrified by what it implied.

“I was tortured.” Sherlock breathed. “They didn’t hold back.”

Carefully I wrapped my arm around his shoulder. “You’ll need to wait for the incubation period to be completely sure.”

“When is your next heat?” Sherlock asked.

“I’m nursing. I’m not having any heats right now. Your pheromones may override that.”

“Perhaps I should go… To keep you from going into heat before all the tests are in.” Sherlock made a half-hearted effort to pull away. I kept him in place.

“Don’t go.” 

Sherlock went still in my embrace.

“If I go into heat there are ways to protect me. Rubbers…”

“Rubbers are one of the reasons I never offered to service anyone.”

“They work.” I mused. “We’ll get through this.”

Sherlock kissed me lightly on the edge of my mouth. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” I answered, careful of his back as I wrapped my arms around him.

^.~

Sherlock’s STI panels all came back negative shortly before my heats started again. Billy was beginning to be weaned and didn’t nurse as often. On some level I wanted Sherlock to share in the experience he had missed out on and allowed him to bottle feed Billy. But Billy did not like the bottle. He wanted a cup. I was a little surprised when the cramps started. It had been one month since Sherlock’s return. In that time we refrained from any sexual contact. 

Truth be told… Sherlock’s entire personality had changed since his return. There was less thrill of the hunt when it came to cases. Most of his time he spent on cases that came online. When we were called out to a scene he did not wander off or attempt to take down the perpetrator on his own. My alpha had lost his spark of life.

I checked his back regularly, removing stitches as needed and clearing away any infection that seemed to linger. We sat in bed for hours as I rubbed antibiotic cream into his many cuts. I watched the bruises fade. Gradually he no longer flinched when I touched his back. 

And then my heat came. I knew Sherlock wasn’t in any shape to service me. We hadn’t had any sort of sexual touch since the day Billy was conceived. “It’s alright, Sherlock… I can do this on my own.”

Sherlock was agitated and annoyed, stalking the living room. “You shouldn’t have to. This is my duty.”

“You make it sound like a chore.”

My alpha made a frustrated sound and left the flat.

I made arrangements for Billy’s care. Mrs. Hudson volunteered to watch him so he wouldn’t be too far away. Half of his things were at her flat anyway. 

That just left making arrangements for myself. I had never really faced a heat on my own before. I knew it was theoretically possible as long as a knot could be simulated. There was a variety of toys that could be used if an omega did not have access to a friendly alpha or a professional. First heat for an omega was often satisfied with a toy with the understanding that subsequent heats would be serviced by living, breathing alphas. My own first heat had been serviced by a school mate who had presented as alpha only a few months before. Sometimes when an alpha died their omega would use toys for the first heat after the death. 

Sherlock wasn’t ready. After all he went through he just wasn’t ready and I wasn’t going to push him. Just because his panels came back negative didn’t mean he was emotionally ready to return to me. He had been tortured. It was amazing we even shared the same bed.

The local sex shop had what I needed and I spread them out across the table, checking the instructions for each.

Sherlock returned as mysteriously as he left. One moment the flat had been empty and the next he was leaning over the table, inspecting my purchases. Cautiously he picked up a dildo with realistic alpha knot that could be inflated with a pump. Making a face, he dropped it onto the table. Being silicone, it bounced and landed on the floor.

I rolled my eyes and bent down to pick it up to wash it again when I felt hands on my hips. “I have to wash this.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s better to wash it now while I’m still able to function than a few hours from now when I can’t remember how to work the taps.” I answered.

“That doesn’t answer my question of ‘why?’ Why do you need it at all?”

“Because I need a knot.”

“I have a knot.”

“You are in no condition to be using it right now.”

“Isn’t that for me to decide?” Sherlock challenged, gently pushing me towards our bedroom. 

“We haven’t had sex since… Since…” I stalled, suddenly unable to remember.

“Since your last heat.” Sherlock answered. “Our bond bite has faded.”

Subconsciously my hand touched the back of my neck where his bite resided. I didn’t even think of it being there the whole time he had been gone. I just assumed that it faded away completely after he died so another alpha could claim me. My fingers touched scar tissue. It was still there, but mostly smooth. “It’s still there.”

Sherlock stepped up behind me and pushed my head down so he could lightly trace the bite with his fingertip. “You smell mostly of roses and vanilla.”

“We don’t have to worry about it right now. I’ll go through this heat on my own and we can work towards you servicing me in a future heat.”

Sherlock bit my neck.

I gasped, feeling his teeth, puncture my skin. His scent overwhelmed me, flooding the flat with cinnamon and tea. “Sherlock…”

His tongue laved the wound, mixing his saliva with my blood. “There… Now you smell the way you should.”

“Now you’re going to want to fuck me.” I retorted. “You should have waited until you were ready.” Sherlock stared at me, almost a glare. I picked up my toys, leaving the one he had dropped on the floor where it was. I carried them into the bedroom and dropped them onto the bed. I knew without looking that he had followed me. I decided to ignore him as I undressed and climbed up onto the bed.

“You don’t want me anymore.”

“What?” I turned to look at him.

“You don’t want me.” Sherlock whispered. “They told me you wouldn’t want me after what they did to me. I didn’t believe it until now. They knew I had a bond. They knew if I ever escaped and returned to you that you would know what they did and hate me for it.”

“I don’t hate you.” I answered.

Sherlock shook his head and leaned against the wall as if to take up the least amount of space possible. 

I patted the bed. “Come here.”

Slowly he approached like a skittish animal that feared punishment. I made room for him and urged him to sit on the bed. At the last moment he seemed to come to his senses and stood beside the bed, unwilling to sit. 

“Are you erect from biting me?”

Sherlock glanced down at his trousers before shrugging.

I reached for his flies, aware that at any moment he could easily break away and retreat. Carefully I unbuttoned and then unzipped. His scent was concentrated, making my mouth water. My fingers caught on the elastic of his pants as his hands caught me. 

“What are you doing?”

“Let me scent you.” I answered.

His hands released me and I tugged at his trousers and pants, pulling them halfway down his thighs. My nose went to his groin and I breathed in deeply. His erection was only halfway there. I could still smell them there, lingering in places I couldn’t scent. There was the scent of pine and petrol. There was the ocean and dust. I tugged at his trousers to expose more of him as he stood patiently by the bed, his hand on the top of my head. I licked behind his scrotum and felt him tremble in my arms. “Lay down.” I sighed. “Take off your clothes and lay down.

Silently he obeyed me and sprawled out on the bed. 

“There’s parts of you that don’t smell like me anymore.”

Sherlock bit his upper lip and shook his head. 

I was angry at what they had done to him. During the six months we had been mates before he faked his death, Sherlock had been very open with his body when it came to me. Sometimes he allowed me to take him. I am omega and I’m not nearly as big as an alpha. His body could easily handle me and in the heat of the moment he seemed to enjoy it. Alpha were too big to mount anyone but an omega. What they had done to him and what damage they had caused was too horrible to think about. They left their scent behind. 

Sherlock regarded me for a few moments before rolling over onto his hands and knees with his shoulders to the mattress in the classic presentation potion. 

“I don’t want to hurt you.” I lightly touched his thigh.

“Please, John… Before your heat comes and we lose ourselves to the rut. Do this for me.”

I studied him carefully, noting the recently healed sphincter. Lightly I touched him there, feeling him flinch away. “Your body doesn’t want this.”

“I want this. I want to smell only of you.”

“I can’t… Not like this.”

Sherlock lowered his hips, crouched on the bed and trembling. “They said you wouldn’t.”

I was immediately angry at these alphas who seemed to know my actions better than I did. “Sherlock, that’s not fair. You were violated. I’m not going to cause more damage. What sort of person do you think I am?”

“I think you’re my omega.” Sherlock sat up, kneeling on the bed. “You’ve never hurt me before. Why would now be any different?”

“You’re still healing!” I protested. “If not physically, then mentally healing.”

“What better way to heal me than for my own omega to accept me back after everything that happened to me? I was told over and over again that you would reject me. Please… John. I’m begging you.”

His eyes were filled with tears and briefly I wondered if they were there to manipulate me into getting his own way. But I could never deny him anything. I lay on the bed, casually kicking a few toys away as I stroked myself to hardness. “Fetch the lube.” Vaguely I indicated the night stand. Sherlock dove for it and with hasty preparation he finally eased himself down upon me until he was fully seated. And then he didn’t move. His body draped over mine, he pressed his face into my neck as I gently ran my fingers over his many scars. 

“You’re going to have to ejaculate.” Sherlock commented from somewhere near my left clavicle.

“You’re on top.” I pointed out. “Does it hurt?”

“No… It never does when you’re inside of me.” Experimentally he moved and I held him tighter. I’ve never had an alpha want me inside of them before I met Sherlock. I never had an alpha take so much from my body when we made love. In a moment he was rolling over and pulling me on top of him. “Harder, John.”

“I’m going as hard as I can. Heat cramps…” I apologized as I felt my body tense with another contraction. Suddenly a slick rolled down my leg. “Ah… Fuck… My heat has started.”

Sherlock grunted and reached down to push his fingers into me. We writhed there for a time, his fingers in me and my cock buried in his ass. Eventually the sensations overpowered me and I ejaculated. It would be the first of many for a full heat. “That’s… That’s enough.” Sherlock managed between gasps for breath. “My turn.”

Rolling out from under me, he positioned himself behind me and pushed in. I gripped the sheets and lowered my shoulders to give him room. 

His movements started slow but soon became almost brutal in their power. His hands held my hips, pulling me back into him with each thrust. And even when he knot formed he continued to pull me into him. Finally he stretched out over my back and I felt the heat of his breath on my neck. With a low growl his teeth caught and he bit down hard. Immediately I orgasmed again, this time with more intensity than the last. My body relaxed around him and I lost my strength, slumping further into the mattress with Sherlock’s full weight atop me. 

A few moments of panic resulted when I felt like I was being suffocated. But soon we rolled onto our sides with Sherlock clinging to me. “Did you mean to bite me?” I asked quietly.

“I always bite you.” Sherlock responded.

“I hope this means you wouldn’t mind having another pup.”

“A pup I can watch grow…” Sherlock murmured into the back of my neck. “Besides… Billy can’t be an only child. He needs a sibling.”

“That is… IF I can have more pups.” I patted Sherlock’s hand. 

“Do you still love me?”

The question caught me off guard. I looked back over my shoulder to find him hiding behind my other shoulder. “Of course I still love you. Why would you ask that?”

“Because I hurt you.” His voice was muffled by my shoulder and the pillow. “Because I let them hurt me.”

“You were trying to protect me. And you didn’t let them… They tortured you.” I played with his fingers. Some of them were still slick from being inside of me. “Do you still love me?”

His grip tightened on me. 

I took that for an answer. Sherlock wasn’t one for words of affection. I could feel his lips nibble on my bite. His knot was still holding us together and occasionally I could feel him twitch within me. His hand slid down to touch my belly protectively as if I was already pregnant. 

“I love you.” His words were soft and muffled against my neck. “You’re the other half of me.”

“If I had been there I would have killed them. They never would have touched you.” I breathed. 

Sherlock blew out a chuckle against my neck. “My soldier.”

“Are they dead? I hope they are dead.”

“They are dead.” Sherlock confirmed quietly. “Mycroft got them.”

I laced our fingers together, relishing in his warmth against my back. I had lost him, but he returned. I was never going to let him go again. It would kill one or both of us. And as I felt his knot release so I could roll over to face him, I realized he had fallen asleep. I knew I would do everything in my power to help him recover the way he helped me recover when I was nothing more than a broken omega without any hope for the future. Even when I was broken he took me in and claimed me as his own. 

I kissed his lips and he sleepily opened his eyes. “Another round?”

“No, love… Just watching you sleep.”

His arms wrapped around me to pull me against his chest as he relaxed into another doze.

I kissed his chin and closed my eyes to wait for the next wave of heat.

\--Fin

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry about the grammar. As I was writing I decided to change tenses from present to past. I don't think I caught them all.


End file.
